I recently interviewed my oldest daughters high school friend, Megan Beavers, about becoming a mom, finding personal time and kids today. I was curious about how motherhood is now compared to when I was having kids.
Best Part of being a mom?
–Waking up to my daughter every day. The slate from the day before is pretty much wiped clean when I see her face. She just makes every moment better!
How has Mili changed you, if any change?
–Having a daughter has taught me to love myself, flaws & all… also to watch what I say about myself (& other women), our children are sponges & sometimes we unintentionally put burdens on them that they don’t deserve. For example, my mother was never pleased with her external features (weight, skin, etc.) so I ended up thinking all those things defined beauty too. It’s important to break these cycles! It’s a struggle because thoughts & ideals are so embedded, but it’s worth the fight!
Can we get the cliff notes of Milis birth story?
–Experienced false labor for 24 hours, had contractions the entire night of 1/15, my water broke @1:30am on 1/16, honestly thought I pissed myself but was nervous I was leaking fluids, checked in at Memorial in Modesto @ 2am, they confirmed I was IN labor, for majority of my 16 hour labor I was stuck at a 3-4, I had 3 rounds of fentanyl until they needed to induce me because I wasn’t dilating. I received my epidural & Pitocin, by the time is it was time to push, my epidural was wearing off, but I wanted her out so bad I pushed sooo hard for 20 minutes & she was here. It was like I took the biggest shit of my life. I swear I was falling into a black rabbit hole, I couldn’t breathe. I hadn’t opened my eyes in 4 hours & when I did she was the first thing I saw & all I could do was cry. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.
How do you carve out time for yourself?
–My parents are really supportive & helpful & want Mili as often as possible, so I actually have to find things to do that way they get their time & my personal time. I also leave her with Robby & get a pedicure & sometimes a massage very few months, but as soon as I’m done, I usually am in a rush to get back to Mili. I can complain I want a break, but after an hour I want my child. I enjoy painting my nails when she goes to bed or doing a face mask. Or even having a quick bong rip & cup of coffee on the porch.. it allows me to regroup & remind myself to be in the NOW.. enjoying the ‘little’ things we all know are the big things. I feel It helps me be a better partner/mother. That is good enough for me & I still feel like I’m taking time for self care.
Also your relationship?
–Like I mentioned before, my parents are beyond helpful. They take Mili while Robby & spend a day somewhere on the California coast. All we need is a couple hours on the beach & we’re ready to pick up our little girl. Couldn’t be more grateful for my parents! At night before bed we also hang out & always find something to joke about, watch movies, rub each other’s back, etc.
What baby products have been the most useful? Why?
–Mommy Bliss gripe water, Mylicon has drops, Camilia homeopathic teething drops all for obvious reasons: to provide relief. I have this mirror that attaches to the headrest of the car so I can see her in the rear view mirror, but my favorite part is it has LED lights so when I’m driving a night I’m not constantly worried about her. When she was little & her neck muscles weren’t developed yet I was so paranoid of her being in the car. Mamaroo swing & any activity gym because it’s allows me to get random tasks done, while she gets her independent time.
Have you had any challenging issues yet?
–I couldn’t produce enough breast milk. I would see women on Social media producing a bottle a breast & it would take me 2 days to get 2 ounces. I was really down on myself at first because everyone (friends, family, hospital staff) just tells you to do it & you want to because it’s natural & ideally the healthiest, but I had to learn some women aren’t capable & have to use formula & that’s okay too. If taught me to not compare myself, my child or my motherhood struggle to anyone else’s.
Are you going back to work? If so when?
-I plan to go back to work once school resumes in August, that way I can pick back up when everyone else does, while allowing myself enough time with my daughter & being there for crucial developmental milestones.
How do you feel about babysitter situations?
-I am a bit weird with babysitters especially outside of the family (trust issues, exposure, etc.) I have certain standards & feel that the only way I will feel comfortable is if her care giver is someone in the family who understands & respects how I parent.
Where do you work? What do you do specifically?
-I work in the Gustine Unified School district. I started out as an instructional aide in the SDC classroom & ended up getting my emergency teaching credential & becoming a substitute teacher to utilize my BA & make more money.
From when you were in school what do you think has changed with parenting?
(I personally am seeing and hearing so many stories of how kids are talking to one another, acting and how they are treating teachers and I am curious your point of view)
-I see more of parents being friends & enabling rather than parenting & enforcing accountability. I see this more in the middle school setting, but some of these issues are so deeply rooted that it starts younger than that. Technology is a huge interference in development & parenting in my opinion.
If Mili finds this interview in 20 years what do you want to say to her?
-I hope you always remember to be brave; don’t be afraid to stand in the face of opposition, especially if it’s something you believe in. Stay kind; be a smiling face & a “how are you” in a world full of self indulgent assholes. Your worth & value is not based off your weight, your skin/complexion & never will be. True beauty comes from within. There will be mountains you won’t move & that’s okay. Get up & try again anyway. Fight the good fight! I hope I, or the world, never made you feel like you couldn’t be yourself or tell the truth. Even during your biggest fuck up, I will be right there. There’s nothing we can’t get through! So always call me, I will pick up. Don’t drive drunk or let your friends. If you don’t want anyone to know you’re doing something, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. Nothing good happens after midnight. There’s only a few things I did right & you by far are my favorite. You are mine & will never be alone in this world! It’s yours, after all.
Okay now some rapid fire questions, just say the first thing that comes to your mind.
– Describe yourself as a teenager in three words.
*social, active, sensitive.*
–Who would you want to play you in a movie?
-Last song you downloaded?
*Last Hope by Paramore*
–What is the best advice you’ve received?
*”Nothing grows in comfort” but my favorite is… “You may fail, but you may conquer, See it through. Black may be the clouds about you, And your future may seem grim, But don’t let your nerves desert you, Keep yourself in fighting trim. If the worst is bound to happen, Spite of all that you can do, Running from it will not save you, See it through. Even hope may seem but futile, When with troubles you’re beset, But remember you are facing Just what other men have met. Eyes front, head high to the finish, See it through.*
–Do you have a hobby?
*interior decorating, poetry when I feel creative.*
–Whats your favorite thing in your closet right now?
*my dads old fishing jacket that I don’t know for the life of me how I made trendy (it was his in the 80’s)*
-Whats for dinner? *tomato, garlic, onion, basil pasta with lots of carbohydrates & a salad to make myself feel better.
Thank you so much for your time Megan.
So what’s for dinner tonight for everyone else? We are having sandwiches, it’s too dang hot.